My NSFW Post

Today's topic: Porn. That's right, folks. Gonna get down and dirty on the down and dirty. Say what.

So, I look at porn. (Shrugs, turns bright red.) I hate to admit it, honestly. But M.T. lives in California now. I see him every 4-6 weeks. What am I to do? I needs to see naked mens from time to time. Cut me some slack.

Finding good porn is quite the search. It takes time. First, you have all the websites or blogs to sift through and then it's onto trolling the categories to find the type of man or situation you want to see. It's quite an exhausting process. For all you unfamiliar, here is a break down of the categories of gay porn:

Twinks

If I were in my twenties, or barely legals, and if I were needing money for my heroin/cocaine addiction and were molested as a child, I probably would have ended up in someone's basement to make this sort of porn. Fortunately, I never had an addiction I couldn't afford and I never was molested, so I wound up not in the porn biz. Any way. Twink as we know is a fit, slim/slender young man with little to no body hair. Usually, 18-22 in age, but really, some of these kids look barely legal. It's a bit disturbing. Side note: I hope that M writes a post one of these days on X/Y Magazine. That magazine is geared towards educated, old men. Have you read the articles?

Mature

Sadly, this means 30 plus. Yep. The porn category I'd be in today. Depressing.

Bears

OK. I have a secret. I look at bear porn. For the most part, I look at it because it fascinates me. And I really want to see men. Twinks and athletic men bore me to tears. Seriously, if you want to kill my boner give me a man with a shiny face, shaved chest, and over-pruned eyebrows. If I wanted a girl, I'd be straight. Back to bears. These fellas are masculine and celebrate their masculinity. Good for them. Let the hair grow, in every and all places and not be ashamed. Well done. The problem I have with the bears besides the hair growing in every and all places would be the grunting. Even the grunting is over-exaggerated. I watch these men fuck and I do feel like I'm at Lincoln Park Zoo watching the real bears fuck. It's quite comical. If you need a good laugh, find yourself some bear porn.

Jocks/Studs/Hunks/Muscles

What is up with the "straight"-acting gays? Or the straight man being turned gay fantasy? This is the most popular category of gay porn out there. These men. All they do is fuck and go to the gym. I hate them. I also hate their dumb ass tattoos.

Another thing I've noticed in the "straight"-acting gay/straight boy turns fag fantasy: Blindfolds. Usually, the men fucking or being sucked wears a blindfold so he doesn't have to look at man sucking or asshole he is fucking because if he were to see what he was doing that would validate his homosexuality. What doesn't make sense to me is the man that wears a blindfold to suck a dick. Hm. Uh, you don't see the dick in your mouth, so that's okay?

Also, one last thing on this porn. It is my least favorite, yet there are so many awful elements I must share. Men will flip a coin or draw a card from a pack of playing cards--so if one man gets a Queen and the other man pulls a 5, the man with the Queen (higher card) is the penetrator. And the man who has to get fucked always looks or acts disappointed. Bizarre.

Bareback

Very controversial. I mean, this is quite frightening. Yet, I'll be honest, and I'm very very ashamed to it admit to this: It's a turn-on. And I'm sure it's the element of danger that's the turn-on here. The fantasy is to be able to because in reality you can't.

Thugs and Gangstas

Black gay men are referred to as 'gangstas' and 'thugs' in gay porn. I may have to write a separate post on gay black representation anywheres because it's really fascinating to me. And it needs to be addressed.

Orgy

Never look at this porn. One cock is plenty. I would have an anxiety attack if there were more than one.

OK. I could go on, but I won't. I'll not even touch fisting, facials, gloryholes, pissing, scat play, and all other weird crazy shit. Won't go there.

There you have it. The ins and out of the ol'in and out. Perhaps I'll write a follow-up/or part two to this post with a proper conclusion.

I'll be seeing M.T. in two or three weeks. Till then. Keep jerking, bitches!